Day 135

Hey sayangku .
I'm still so weak and sick .
I don't know what I can do to make myself feel better right now .
But there is one thing . And that one thing is obviously impossible .
That thing is having you right here beside me .
Having my period right now makes it worse sayang .
I am extra weak .

Today is Nisfu Sya'ban .
I can't follow my family to masjid since I'm really too weak .
But what about inside sayang ? Do you baca surah Yaseen kat dalam ?

Sayang , I forgot to tell you this .
But I chat with this one guy kat Facebook last 2 days .
I tak kenal dia and dia tak kenal I abey dia nak step 10 tahun kenal I .
He wanted to chat with me on the phone .
I said no .

Here, I show you the whole conversation kay ? I just want you to trust me .

Fiq KotaiHeyy
Afiqahbabes Salvatore
Hello ?
Fiq Kotaint asleep yet ae?
Afiqahbabes SalvatoreNo . Not yet . Maybe soon . You ?
Fiq KotaiHmm yeah sumwhr arnd thr too hehe. Watcha up to?
Afiqahbabes SalvatorePlaying Sims Social . Bored .  You ?
Fiq Kotaisame here bored as toot. Haha nvr talk to ur bf?
Afiqahbabes SalvatoreIf you have seen my profile , you'll know where he is . ):
Fiq Kotainahh ohh okaee.. Ns??
Afiqahbabes SalvatorePrison . So yeah . :X
Fiq Kotaiohkae. This is sg. Nobody is abv the law. Only the smart cn escape so yeah nvm. Lets nt talk abt it ok. Nti u sad cmne? Kene give u tissue. U alrite ??
Afiqahbabes SalvatoreLOL . Thanks . (: I'm surviving . No worries . Well , he is clever enough . But you know , no one can be trusted . Member sendiri pun paoto . I'm alright .
Fiq KotaiIf he's clever he won't be caught. Nw thats a true mastermind
Afiqahbabes SalvatoreLike I said , orang paoto .
Fiq KotaiWell den in the underworld u shud nvr trust anyone. Even ur 'brothers'
Afiqahbabes SalvatorePrecisely . Da la . Don't want to think about this . ):
Fiq KotaiOkae. Hehe eh u wana talk? I lazy nk type2 ah hehe
Afiqahbabes SalvatoreSorry . I don't really know you .
Fiq Kotaihahaha its okae dats y i ask u wana talk anot. Lol. Ur pasal i must unlaze my self to chat. Haiya
Afiqahbabes SalvatoreLOL . Sorry . xD
Fiq KotaiAren't we gettin to know each otha nw? lol sama jugak lah
Afiqahbabes SalvatoreSame as what ? Talking on the phone ?
Fiq Kotaiiye lah makcik. Hahah hiakdush. we gt the same name
Afiqahbabes SalvatoreHaha . No . There is a whole lotta different . 1st thing is you will have my number . Lol . Nooo . I have "ah" You don't .
Fiq KotaiAfiq is my name hehe. Hehehe i'll hav ur numb?
Afiqahbabes SalvatoreNevermiiind .
Fiq KotaiSorry brain processing slow, dh mlm teehee
Afiqahbabes SalvatoreSince my boyf is gone , I've been so loyal . So if you would understand , I don't give numbers to strangers . (: We can be friends here if you don't mind . And just let time decide ?
Fiq Kotailet time decide? On? What? Sumpah clueless lah awkk. Mcm avalanche of word gtu hehehe. Sorryyy
Afiqahbabes SalvatoreLol . It's okay . But you do understand what I'm trying to say kan ?
Fiq Kotaithe let time decide part tu takk
Afiqahbabes SalvatoreI mean let time decide whether we'll be real friends or not . B/c after today , I doubt you'll talk to me kaaan ?
Fiq Kotaihahaha c hw lur. Why so up tight? when u noe the future is uncertain? why does the heart always fill its self up with doubt of others when the sincerity can't be seen and can't be judged? Why does a human being always like to hear the good stuff and ignore the bad part and just not swallow the bad part of life? Touch ur heart n ask urself hehe. U okae?
Afiqahbabes SalvatoreMy future may be uncertain . But I hope for the best . It's better having doubts than in the end hurting yourself because of being too sure of something . Right now , I'm fragile . Hearing good stuffs now and then is what I need . Swallowing the bad part of life is easy . But not when all you've been living is in the bad part of your life . (:
Fiq Kotaithat's hw complacent a human being can get. And dats hw singaporeans get fucked in their holes by the mtv society and this govt its self. Yes livin in the bad part. But dat dun mean u can't stand up and fight for ur own interest. I mean if life is onlt abt pleasing other ppl and nt urself at all den thats nt life isn't it. you gotta be selfish sometimes. live n let die
Afiqahbabes SalvatoreI feel like you're trying to tell me to get away from my boyf and live a life that I want . Is that it ?
Fiq Kotaino. Can u quote any sentence which i specifically said that? I'm asking u to think. And not sit on ur hands and do nothing but dwell on the past. Time isnt gonna stop for us. Rmbr that. Lost time is the most wasted thing eva
Afiqahbabes SalvatoreI'm surviving . Didn't I tell you that ? He's my life . He has been there for me through the days when I'm growing up . We've been together for 5 years . It is hard to go on with my life without him . But yeah , I am going through my life as usual . I still laugh , I hang out , I go out late at night and all my usual things I did before he was gone . Even if I do all that , no one knows how I feel inside . No one knows . Not even the one that are close to me . Putting a fake mask before I go out is what I do best . I'm not wasting my time on anything . Everything goes as per normal , just without him .
Fiq Kotaijust so for u to know and realise what u've been doin to urself. If ur torturing ur self for something thats worth it.but WHAT IF it doesn't pay off? What if it doesn't fate's pendullum always has surprises and lots of time human being hate them
Afiqahbabes SalvatoreWhen it doesn't , then it doesn't . "Kita hanya merancang , Allah yang tentukan ."
Fiq KotaiHahaha senang kite ckp gitu. boley angkat tk boley angkat? Tingkat 12 jek nti
Afiqahbabes SalvatoreHuh ?
Fiq KotaiDats y im doin dis to u. Make u realise n wake up. baca btol2 what i said.
Afiqahbabes SalvatoreI don't need anyone to wake me up . I'm fine by my own . I'm in love with him . And nothing can change that . He's been sacrificing a lot for me . Why not I do the same for him ? It will only be a while .Most to most he'll be inside for a year . And 4 months have past , I'm still alright . And we are still deep in love . What more do I need to change ? Nothing .
Fiq Kotaiden dats the path u choose. Den so be it. But rmbr. im nt askin u to stop loving someone. Im just askin u to think more den just sulk and be negative. Dun need to put on masks n such.
Afiqahbabes SalvatoreYou , as a guy , think . If you've been with someone you love so much for so long and suddenly one day there's no message or even a call from her . And it goes on and on . How would you feel ? Maybe you never go through this before . And if you do , you should know how I really feel . It's 4am . I need to wake up at 7 later . I'll talk to you later kays ? Nights .

So sayang , not only him does this to me sayang .
But honestly , I don't care about them .
My heart belongs to you . And only you .
Can you see how much I love you .
That conversation is not edited .
Trust me when I say that no one will ever replace you sayang .

I LOVE YOU .