♥ LoveLane LoveStory ♥

I was looking forward to yesterday . We had fun . We had so much fun together . But then you just had to make me angry . Why can't you listen to me ? Why can't you just don't smoke anymore ? Why must you waste your money on some stupid thing ? My family invited you to dinner . And you refuse . You had to follow your ego . I really wanted you to go . I wanted you to be with me longer . But you refused again . Every time I asked , you refused . And then you promised that it is going to be your last box . And when I gave you the money , you told Madan to buy TWO fucking boxes ! Obviously I was mad . Then everything start to fall apart . You know I was so angry but you don't know why . I didn't want to say anything b/c I know we are going to fight . Then I have to go and meet my family . So I said , "I have to go." You started crying . You were crying so badly . You were grabbing my hands telling me not to go . I pushed you away . I push you so hard b/c you wo...

We have been quarreling for like 3 days straight . On Friday was the third day of quarreling and I just couldn't take it anymore . We quarrel just about anything . Even the smallest things . I was tired of quarreling and I didn't want anything to get worse . So I kept quiet . He tried to talk as normal , but I can't ! Logically , how can anyone be so angry and a minute later talk as like nothing is wrong ? Well , if he can , I couldn't . He started smoking and I walk far from him . (I can't smell smoke anymore) So we start to walk further apart . We were like 3 metres away . (I'm in front) Well , obviously I was curious on whether he is still behind me or not . So I spotted his shadow and trying hard not to lose it . Later , his friends were @ street soccer court and I KNOW he would go towards them . So I walk a little faster and I was right . He can even tell me to wait a little while for him . What the . . . ? What am I ? A dog ? I just continued walking . He ...

I was studying and I did not realise I had any calls or messages . When I check , I had 3 missed call and 1 message . Message :Bleh kol hp ni jap..pls..i had a bad dream tadi..jap je i nk tok ngn u.. So I called him . With a very sad voice he said he dreamt that I was killed . He dreamt that we were in a cable car and it dropped . He survived and I didn't . He said he dreamt another bad bream @ his workplace too . He dreamt I had an affair with another guy . So the I went back to studying and I receive another message . :I tknk naik cable car..i takot pasal mimpi i tadi..i tknk kehilangan org yg i sngt syg..i nk kahwin ngn u..i tknk u kahwin ngn lain org..i tknk..i takot kehilangan u..i btol2 takot..i menyesal slama ni ape i uat..i tknk lukakan ati u lagi..i syg u..i btol2 da berubah..i tknk u pegi dari idop i..i tkle..u,i sygkn u..i feel like crying..jgn tinggalkan i..jgn benci i..jgn dendam i..i sanggup uat pape untuk u..aslkan jgn minta breakup lagi..i tknk.. I was in the middle...

26 August 2010 The morning after the fight with my parents . We were so sweet and caring the whole morning . Slowly when anger has taken over me , I was back to normal . I talk to Him like the normal way we use to joke with each other . So I somehow scolded him jokingly . The one that made me paused and look @ him was when he said : "Pagi-pagi tadi okay . Kenape sekarang marah-marah I?" He was very cute when he said that . But I laugh out loud when I realised it was true . 26 August 2010 The same morning after the fight with my parents . We were waiting for 45 for so long . I messages Iris but the bus didn't come yet . So we thought maybe the bus is full and slow . So he said : "We go for 4 minutes bus . If ramai orang , we go for the 15 minutes bus . If it is still ramai , we baring on the road - mati lagi bagus !" I laughed like heaven I tell you ! He really knows how to cheer me up completely . I love him so much . 29 August 2010 Bono just had a fight with a...

On the way in the bus , going to his house . I'm seriously fucking pissed off with him . I was just joking and he took it seriously ? I thought he can take joke . He scolded me like I did something SO wrong . We've been quarreling over small matters these past few day . Everytime I talked to him nicely , he thought I was angry and he raised his voice at me . You , you promised not to raise your voice @ me . You promise to talk to me nicely even if we quarrel . AGAIN , You didn't do what you say you would .

19 August Went down to study with darling . Decide to study Maths . While I was studying , this was what he did . His best camwhore I think . :P He didn't only do that . He did this too . He love my last tiny toe . That is why he did that . Okaaayyy , photo of the day . THE JOKER THE ACT CUTE

We have no privacy right ? Since you have read my blog , here it is . I DON'T THINK ABOUT AZRAI . I NEVER THINK ABOUT HIM LIKE HOW I THINK ABOUT YOU . That time when I posted the post @ my blog , I was thinking about him . But I didn't miss him . I don't think about him anymore . Just that one time I think about him . You talked to me just now like you don't believe me @ all . I don't care if you hate me , but believe me when I say that I don't think about him anymore . Stop thinking about what I don't do . You didn't even ask me anything and you just assumed that I still love him . That is what you thought right ?

The most worst day of my life . I fought with my parents BADLY . So to make the story short , I want to meet Him that night . So I messaged him : I nak jumpa you . I tak sangka diorang sampai buat gini . I need you . : Bersabar u..i ada..Bsk i jumpa u okay..i promise.. : Tak nak ! I nak jumpa you sekarang ! : Syg,dngr kate i ok..bsk i akan jumpa u..kalau i jumpa u sekarang nant ur mum report police..i tak nak ape2 jadi kat u..i sygkn u.. : I nak jumpa sekarang ! : I janji bsk pagi i jumpa u..i tk g keje..pls : I need you now , NOW ! : Syg,i janji nari i tkn tido..i iakn tman u smpai bsk pagi u kua skul then jumpa i..i akn ngn u bsk smpai mlm..i janji demi cinta i..i akn jaga u.. : I taknak gi school besok ! Promise me you meet me ! : Ok i janji.. : I mean NOW ! : Syg,pls sabar jap k..lagi jap u dah jumpa i..pls syg,dgr ckp i..Pls.. : I nak BREAK UP ! : Syg,pls jgn uat i gni..Pls.. I did not reply him at all ! I don't bother at all ! At that moment , I feel like I don't wan tot ...

I keep on thinking about so many questions to myself . Most of them are related to me and you , Hilman . But some of them just I couldn't tell you . I don't want to hurt you anymore . Just hope one day you can understand what I really feel somehow . Question 1 : Will we ever be together forever ? That is the question that is the most I think about . I'll be answering to myself that we will be together forever because we love each other . And then I paused and think ; many things can happen in years to come . Maybe we do love each other right now . But in like a few years , our love could slowly decrease towards each other . And that is what I don't want to happen . Question 2 : Are you still thinking about your exes ? That probably will happen when you read the question above right now . Of course when I start talking about them , you would think about them . But what if I didn't ? Did you think about them too . Maybe you love them more than me . Maybe you want them...

HAPPY 3 YEARS 2 MONTHS ! HAPPY 38TH MONTHSARY ! HAPPY 1157 DAYS ! Straight after school , I went to his house . He wanted to fetch me from interchange . But he was too late . But it's alright , we finally meet . He bought for me carrot cake ! Hee (: I was damn tired . I slept on his sofa and he was beside me the whole time . He never leave my side . He woke me up and said that he wanted to cook spaghetti . I sit up and told him . let's go and cook ! (: We bought all the ingredients and cook it @ home . His mom help too . Frankly , that was the best time of my life ! (: I fell asleep later b/c of my flu . He gave me pills for my flu and told me to go to sleep . It was sweet and caring of him to take care of me . Before I was asleep , I can feel him rubbing my forehead . I like the way he touch me . I can feel how deep he love me . I have to go home @ 10 . ): This was the last message from him that night . : Syg,i'm very hapi today..terima kasih u atas segalanya..u jumpa i al...

Click HERE and see what I meant by yesterday's fight . I was hungry . I said that TWICE . But you insist on staying @ home . You said , "Tunggu sampai cerita ni habis eh ?" And it was like another 30 minutes more . I said again , "I lapar , you" Still , you are sitting on the sofa . Then you saw me angry . That was when you finally wanted to go down and buy for me something . Then I said , "Tak payah la . I tak lapar . I nak tengok cerita ni" And you insist on going . I repeat that almost 5 times but still you took my money and put on your shirt . I said , "You nak gi mane ?" Then you said that you are going down and buying for me food . I repeat to you that there is NO NEED to buy for me anything . You threw the money after that . HOW DARE YOU ?! I packed up all of my things and you were beside me picking up my money for me . You said , "You da nak balik ?" I kept quiet . After I packed my stuffs , I headed for the door and you ...

Happy 37th Month-sary ! One more month past . It have been 37 months ago when I first be with you . I just couldn't believe we got this far together . There are so many rough times that we've been through . But we are all in this together that makes us still strong . I remember the first time when I meet you . It was so funny . I don't know you well , and you don't know me . It was so awkward . But somehow , we did get through everything . Remember the first time we went out together ? You were in your bad mood . That was the first time I ever seen you angry . I was scared . I wanted to go away . But I don't want you to leave me . You were still immature that time . You were really stubborn . And I know I love you to even let you go . Now we've change . You are much much more understanding . You care alot for me . And I know I will never get a guy like you anywhere . Till my last and final breath , I will always love you .

H A P P Y 3 R D Y E A R How I wish the kiss last longer . (: Nevermind , I know I will always get that kiss everyday . B/c I know , we will never have an ending . I swear I will be with you . I swear I will never hurt you ever again . I swear I will be there for you even if it's impossible . I swear I will take care of you . I swear with all my heart , I will love you till eternity ! Trust me . (:

Sayang , Today was the best day . I had fun being with you . I love having fun with you and not thinking any negative thoughts . I have stop thinking about any negative thoughts . You don't know how happy I am . I smiled everyday . I like this feeling . And I wish it will never go away . You trust me . You believe in me . And now I will too . You filled my heart . You replace my heart . If you're gone , I'll die . I love you till my heart stop beating .

Like I said in the message , "I boleh maafkan seseorang. Tapi SUSAH nak lupakan" SUSAH , bukan tak akan . There is a different . Below are the thoughts that I kept on thinking about . You say : okay , you nk main game nih kan ? okay this time you do your own thing and i do my own thing okay ? Me : I don't want ! You : Ape yang don't want ?! You nk prangai sngat kan ? Let see who can win this game . Me : I don't want laaa ! You : Hey ! I don't give a damn ! Fuck you . (Then you hang up) I don't bother to call you back . I went to sleep and soon you called me back . You : You besok tk jumpa I ? Me : You yang prangai . You : Nk jumpa tknk ?! Me : You nk tknk ? You : You ade sen tk besok ? Me : Takde . You : Kay byebye . I was super hurt by you . Do you know that this thing happens on Valentine's Day ? And it wasn't even my fault . You - You know what is the meaning of BOSAN? Me - Ya ? You - Kau tau tak yang kau tu BOSAN! I just keep quiet . I don...

I can't . I just can't . I can't take it anymore . I'm changing . Just wait and see . But whatever it's keeping inside of me , I wouldn't want to let it out ever again . I know you are my everything . You will always be my everything . But sometimes something I have to keep to myself . I cannot control my feelings . Anytime in one day , my feelings can change anytime . I can talk happily with you . But inside I'm hurt . But when after we hang up the phone , I can be angry with you with no reason . I don't know why . But what I know I can't live without you . I can't make a day without knowing you are alright . You are right , I've been thinking about what I want and not what you want . I'm really sorry . Keeping something that is a bother is not good for anyone . Especially me who have a weak heart . I need you to know this : I always think we won't make it together in the future . : I always think that one particular day you going to...

I have nothing more to say . We Love Each Other . I hope there won't be anymore quarrel . If there is , I rather not care . It have been SOOOOO . . . . OOOOOO . . . . OOOOOOO . . . ... LONG since we quarrel . I don't even remember the last time we quarrel . Well , unless if I read this blog then I remember la . Three more days till 35th month . And one month and 3 days more till 3 years ! :)

I LOVE this joke . : Saturday ni jadi tak you ? : Jadi . Pagi2 buta jugak kite gi Bugis kay . Bugis baru bukak terus kite masuk . Kite uat history la . . . Macam SANG NILA UTAMA . I burst out laughing . Hilman , this is what I want since I am with you . I want this happiness . I want this loving kind of couple . I sabar and sabar and finally we are together . And nothing can ever break up apart . You are considered my Husband . I don't care how long till we get married . But before we get married , let us stay till forever . I will never leave you . That is my last thing I will do even if I will not do it . I cannot see Hilman yang dulu lagi . You totally TOTALLY change like you promised to do . I like the way you treat me now . Don't ever return back to your old path . Because I don't think I can ever survive that anymore . I LOVE YOU HILMAN . I love you so so much .

I just needed help once . If you refuse it @ first then it is alright for me . But then sooner if you trying to make me happy my helping me , it is just mean that you just kesiankan I . I just asked for a simple help and you just can't do it ?! Have I ever say no to you if you needed help ? I don't think so . You know I love you . You know I am madly in love with you . Are you trying to take advantage of me because you know that I won't let you go ? No , no , no . Don't ever think like that . Because I will do something if you ever cross the line . I won't ask anything from you anymore . I can do everything by myself . Even if you don't want to show your love towards me , I don't mind . I'll accept anything and also appreciate everything you will do to me . I'm sorry , but I just CANNOT feel the love . I just CAN'T ! Tell me why Hilman , WHY ?!

Last two days , I thought we are really going to be over . I took 9 Panadols . Then I felt like it is not working . I took 5 ubat selsema . Then baru I rase . I kept on calling out your name . I'm crazy about you Hilman . I can't bear seeing you leave . Even if I ask for break up , I always don't mean it . Because I cannot live without you . I've said that too many times . I explain everything to you already . Hopefully you believe me that I am willing to change . Hilman , forever till death , I will love you .

First . Read the picture above . There was once I asked , "What do you hate about me?" And you said , "I cuma nak kejujuran." And you also said that you love me for who I am . Then what have you been saying the whole 5 hours just now ? Second . Read the picture above . Have you ever once forget me and think that you hate me ? If you ever think that , maybe you don't really love me . Thirdly . Read the picture above . That is what I've been trying to tell you . That is what I mean . Lastly . Read the picture above . Is it hard to tell me , straight in my eyes , that you love me ? That is all I need .

I WANT YOU TO KILL ME !

You told me before that you akan listen to everything that is bothering me . But when yesterday I told you about those girls , you da start tinggikan suara . So I thought i rather not tell you anything anymore . But at night after i told you that i won't tell you anything anymore , you beg me to tell you . And then you say you're sorry . Is that all ? I don't know whether I should tell you anything anymore . Because I know how you will react .

Hilman: Muka badut sarkas kepala dungga. :) He don't really know what that means either . @ his house right this moment . Hilman is insane about his hair . He is having this bad habit thingy that I'm relaly worried about . It just feel so scary when something he's doing but he did not even realise it . If anything happens to you, I swear . . . Can't live without you, you know . Been seing you since you come out of jail . You don't know how happy I am spending time with you . I rather spend time with you than any one else . Because being with you, even if we don't do anything, I'm happy . Love you loads !

He is back !!! :) Hilman, you don't know how thrilled I am when I get to see you . I miss you like hell ! I hugged you tight when I see you . I felt like crying when I see you . After 2 weeks I'm alone, finally I get to see you . One day with you after two weeks alone is not enough ! I need you everyday . Don't leave me alone ever again ! After prison , people who know you asked about marrying me . I smiled . But you don't know how my heart feels . :D :D :D I'm surprise and also quite jumpy inside . Haha . Everyone knows we've been together for a long time . Have anyone ever asked you like that when you are with your ex ? I'm just wondering . :)

Hopefully what Hatim said is true . I hope you are out by tomorrow . I really really miss you so so much ! Tadi satu hari I tak keluar . Sebab ade e-learning . So kat rumah buat kerja sekolah je la . Then @ 10:30 , Hakim and Zaim ajak conference . So we talk talk talk until 11:30 . Berbual merepek meraban dengan diorang uh . And now , I need you . I miss you . Come back and hug me . I miss everything we did together .

ARE YOU REALLY COMING BACK THIS SATURDAY ?!!! Hatim messaged me . Omg ! I can't wait to meet you . I want to hug you 24/7 !!! Faster come back okay ! The days feels like years when I'm alone . I love you still .

I dreamt about you last night . It fellt so real . When I hugged you in my dream , I woke up . I cried , thinking about you . I wanted it to really happen . I can't go on without having you by my side . Come back fast . Someone here is missing you very madly badly !

Today I pergi Bedok Library to borrow books . I makan kat Mcdonald pat interchange Bedok . Taik hidung kawan you pun I tak nampak . Takkan diorang semua pun masuk jail dengan you ? Haha :) I'm living like normal right now . I live and laugh . But I just feel like I'm acting . Because at night , I akan nangis macam baby . I don't eat much these days . I seems slimmer than usual . I need you to suapkan I . :D Da nak masuk dua minggu you tinggalkan I . Tak rindu I ke ?

This is what I did today . I did not go to school . I was sick this morning . Because yesterday , before I sleep , I tak makan . The photo up there is some of the sentence you sent me . I put it nicely till that . I still haven't heard about you . How are you ? I needed to know . I'm still waiting for your letter . Where is it ? You promised to send me a letter . Please PLEASE , take care of yourself .

I went out today . Meet Kak Aisyah and Abang Hidir . That is what I've been doing actually . I had fun with them . They will try their best to cheer me up . They are there for me everytime . So you should thank them . I tried concentrating on my studies . You don't know how hard it is when I'm thinking about you too much . Even if I can cope with my studies , there will be some tiny mistake I'll make . You complete me . but since you are not here right now , I'm incomplete . I need another half of the moon . And it'll be a full moon . A new moon .

I'm celebrating December/January/February Birthday . Great anyway. While I'm having fun , I still couldn't forget about you . Even if I tried so so hard . The more I tried , the more I think . So I'll just stop trying and think about you 24hrs . I'm living a normal life here . I will try my best not to kill myself . You promised me not to leave me . You promise me to be there when I'm sad/lonely . But where are you now ? Can you please come home soon ? Someone you love misses you .

I mean it . I want you to kill me . I'm suffering here without you . I want to hold you , but I can't . I want to hug you , I still can't . I want to kiss you , I just CAN'T ! All I can do is just think about you . Take me with you . I rather be in jail with you than living here alone . Even if we are lost , it won't be a problem because you are with me . But now ? You are way waaaaaaayyyyyyyy apart from me . Are you thinking about me ?

Yesterday , I can't sleep . My heart stopped again . But this time it was like different . It's like I'm dying soon or something . I was so SO thirsty . I drank so much but I'm still thirsty . I want to live . I want to meet you again . I tried hard and hopefully I'm back tomorrow . And HERE I AM ! I read this blog from the beginning . It really breaks my heart seeing all you did to me . But I know you have changed . So hopefully you will stay like this forever . I'm losing weight . I don't know why . I'm thinking about you 24 hours . When are you coming back ? I miss you loads !

It has been A WEEK I lose you . How do you think I'm doing ?! I'm still waiting for you no matter what . Where is the letter ? I'm still waiting for it . Are you going to write or not ? I need to know how you are doing . Are you thinking about me ? Are you crying because you miss me ? Don't leave me like this ever again please . You are killing me right here . I maybe not sick . But inside, each of my organs are like dying . Take me in prison with you . Please . :(

Too many terrible things happened to me at one time in school . It's like a roof came tumbling down on me . But I settled it all already . When I'm alone I think about you . I am still waiting for the letter you said you would give . Are you going to give me ? Even if it's only a month , I need to hear how you are doing . I miss you . I need you . I still LOVE you .

You , when you're gone , everything changes ! I settled with Lina already . Well , shouting @ first . But then slowly we talked . But before that , you don't know how much it hurts . Feeling that my OWN friend backstab I . Truly disappointing . But I got over it already . I went to Bedok Library after I reached home straight after school . I miss our time together . When will it be back ? I miss you a lot ! My heart still ache since you are gone . You don't know how much it really hurts . Hilman , be back as soon as possible pleaase . I NEEEEEEEED YOU .

I woke up today to Madrasah . I still thinks about you . I think about you too much . When i reached home , I went straight to sleep . At the middle of the sleep , my heart really have a very very very sharp pain ! Whenever I breathe in , my heart hurts . I call out your name alot of time after I baca doa . I don't want to die . I want to see you again before I die . My heart really hurts . You don't know how hurt I am . Sayang , are you doing fine ? Do you miss me ? Of course you do ! I miss you too !

I can't dream about you . Why ?! I want to dream about you !!! Yesterday , I really cannot sleep . All I did was cry . I cry too much until there was a very sharp pain in my heart . I straight away drink some water . Today I did nothing . I played The Sims for the whole day . Sekarang cousin I datang . Later Hakim call me . Berbual je you . Hilman , why must you go ? Why did you go without saying goodbye ? I miss you . I have to feel you . I NEED to feel you . I know you miss me too . I love you . ALOT !

Went to school . School was normal . Had fun . But no one knows how hurt I am inside . Because someone I love , is gone . Well , for a month . I tried to forget you so that I can lead a normal life . I laughed along with my friends . But when I'm alone , I think about you again . I can't forget about you . And I won't . But sometimes I must because I'll start crying again . I'm home now . I went straight home . I can't sleep . I keep on thinking about you . I can't seems to lead my life normally right now . I want to hug you . Not hearing your voice is killing me . My head hurts . I need you now . I need you to give me a massage . Hilman , I miss you . :(

Morning was not good . Been thinking about you the whole day . In the bus , I was reading all the messages you have given me . Obviously I cried . But then I stop . I don't think it's good to cry while going to school . I don't want people to ask . I received your message . You did not even message me ILOVEYOU . All you said was , you are already in court and you will update me later . And that was your last message . I thought I would get another message from you . But no . :( At 4:19 PM , I received a message from Hatim . And he said you are in for a month . I don't know how to react . All I did was cry , cry , cry . I need some time alone . I have to think . What am I going to do when you are gone ? Only study , study , study ? I need to have fun too . But I guess I shouldn't . Because you are inside suffering and I can't be outside having fun . I went downstair alone . I can't stand even one day not hearing your voice ! It can make me so so crazy like he...

So today I just have to let everything out of my mind . I have to learn to forgive and forget with Hilman . I have to erase my ego . I have to treasure my relationship with Hilman . So I went to East Coast Park a.k.a Memory Lane . The FIRST time we meet each other . I went to the exact place . The sun was blazing Hot ! I don't think I can survive without my shades . The path when I walk together with Hilman, Apek, Nadhirah . How I recognise this place ? It was that tree . I remember sitting on this bench with Hilman . : You , you tadi gi swimming kan ? You swimming kat sini ? *pointing to the swamp : Ish ! Tak la ! Kotor nye . When we both were alone at last , we sat on the side of the swamp . Everything was so clear in my mind . A place where everything starts . A place where everything changes . And a place where I found true love .

After we celebrated his birthday. No thank you . After we lepak @ his house . Still no thank you . And after we are bored sitting around his house , we went down and sit @ our usual place . Again , not even a thank you . He was in his typical bad mood whenever he thinks about money and life . I just don't like it . But I can't say anything because I know its been troubling him since . I don't mind him saying about money or his life . But what he said that night made me mad . Him: Tak pernah seumur hidup I, bila birthday I, I pokai rabak. Birthday pun boring . Hidup da memang boring . Takde duit . . . Kerja macam sial . . . Yang case ni pun sama ! Birthday I dulu . . . . . . . . . BLA BLA BLA ! I was quiet the whole time . In my head, I was thinking that i bought the cake and tried to celebrate with him but not even hearing a thankyou from him, this was what i get ? Complain complain complain ! What the hell ! When I took the bus, I messaged him . Me: I'm your worst ...

On 27 January He's 22nd Birthday . Oldeeeeeee ! I wish . . . I wish . . . On the night of his birthday , he said something that he shouldn't have said . From the time I kiss him goodbye till exactly 12:06am I did not answer his calls . He left exactly 86 miss calls and 13 messages . Amazing ! The story later .