All the worse things you can ever think of .

We have been quarreling for like 3 days straight .
On Friday was the third day of quarreling and I just couldn't take it anymore .
We quarrel just about anything .
Even the smallest things .

I was tired of quarreling and I didn't want anything to get worse .
So I kept quiet .
He tried to talk as normal , but I can't !
Logically , how can anyone be so angry and a minute later talk as like nothing is wrong ?
Well , if he can , I couldn't .
He started smoking and I walk far from him . (I can't smell smoke anymore)
So we start to walk further apart . We were like 3 metres away . (I'm in front)
Well , obviously I was curious on whether he is still behind me or not .
So I spotted his shadow and trying hard not to lose it .

Later , his friends were @ street soccer court and I KNOW he would go towards them .
So I walk a little faster and I was right . He can even tell me to wait a little while for him .
What the . . . ?
What am I ? A dog ? I just continued walking .
He started calling me , telling me not to go .
I ignored .
He ran up to me and grabbed my hand .

(We are still walking)
Him : Kenapa ni you ?
Me : Pergi lah dengan kawan you tu .
Him : I cuma nak berbual dengan diorang sekejap je , tak lama . You tunggu jap la .
Me : Pergi lah .
Him : Takkan you takle tunggu jap je ?
Me :PER-GI aje lah !
Him : You tak nak tunggu ?
Me : I tunggu bawah blok you je uh .

I saw a group of youngsters were looking directly @ us .

Him : Salah ke you tunggu sini sekejap ?
Me : Orang tengok lah !

We stopped talking .
When we reached the parking lot , he said .

Him : Kenapa perangai you teruk sampai gini sekali you ?
Me : Kalau you nak pergi jumpa kawan you sangat , pergi la !
Him : I tak nak dengan diorang la .
Me : Then okay lah !
Him : You , apa salah I uat you ?
Me : You should know .
Him : I'm sorry .
Me : About what ?
Him : Apa-apa yang you pikir I salah , you maafkan I please .
Me : If you don't know what mistake you did , there is no use of saying sorry .
Him : Then tell me !

I kept ignoring that question .
He walked towards a lamppost and punched it 4 times !
My heart then skipped 4 beats !
I wanted to walk towards him and check his knuckles but I was shocked .
I continued walking and he walked towards another lamppost and kick it using his shin .
I walked slower this time but he went to a bicycle and kick it hard .
I stopped .

Me : Stop it la !

While he was walking , he look @ me once and SMILED !
What is fucking wrong with him ?
I refused to walk if he doesn't stop . He stopped and told me to walk .
I walked .

Me : What the hell were you trying to do ?
Him : You tak nak bilang I apa I uat salah , I uat gitu la .
Me : Lain kali pukul I je la .
Him : You da benci I eh ?
Me : Mana ada .
Him : Abey kenape you macam gini ?

I kept quiet .

Him : You da benci I eh ?

He repeat that for a few times .
Then , he took my hand (I was holding a wallet which has a metal corner) and hit his face .

Him : Pukul I ! Pukul I !

I cried .
How could you do that Hilman !
Why must you do that !!!
I can't believe you would ever do that .

After that he tried to hug me and say sorry .
I refuse . I push him away every time he hold me .
I don't want him to catch a grip of my hand and beat himself up again .
I don't want to even look @ him .
I might cry badly .





Hilman ,
I love you . And you know that .
I don't know how to show how much I really love you .
Don't hurt yourself again please !
I can't bear seeing you hurt .
I cried every time I think about this .
Apologising to you wasn't good enough for me .
I'll do my best to make you happy .

Love you so much !

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