Day 107

Hey sayang .
Right now it is not night time .
I decide to write today's letter right now , 6:44pm .

I just watched a sad love story .
And of course I was thinking of you .
I never stop saying "What if?" in my head .
I don't want to lose you .
And I know that you wouldn't want to lose me either .
But what if it's our time to go ?
What would you do if I were to leave you first ?
Would you cry all night long ?
Or would you change the way you are and live the life to the fullest ?

Sayang , you know my heart condition right ?
I'm still not sure what is happening .
I don't want to do any scan b/c I'm scared to know the truth .
So the thing that I want to know was ,
~ What if you know that I'm going to live for one more day , what would you do ?
Tell me on the next letter .
I want to know .

And don't worry ! I'm perfectly fine right now .
Trust me . I am perfectly fine .

Sayang , I know I tell you this many times .
But I want to say it again and again .

We probably did not love at first sight . But we stayed together through everything . Even when my family tore us apart , we came back to each other . We broke each other's heart many times but we still hang on to each other . Do you remember when I started to really love you ? Honestly , on 22 August 2007 . Yes , that day . Maybe before that . But what I remember that very night , I never stop thinking about you . I love you much more when you change . When you threw all your bad stuffs away . You stop going out with your bad friends . You stop drinking . You leave your so called gang . You listened to me . You looked much much better during those times . You looked very cheerful . But you started to change . Sayang , I've been with you for 4 years 3 months that time and I see many difference in you . But you ignored me . You said you are still the same . I regret not scolding you more . I regret not showing my love to you more . See what happened ? You followed your ego . And there you go . You end up where you're at now . But still I wait for you . I still do love you . Always sayang . I will never stop loving you . Maybe other people sees you as a bad person . I knew deep down who you are . And I will try to go deep to bring that side of you out . I love you .

"Every time I look at you , I fall in love with you again ."

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