♥ LoveLane LoveStory ♥

It was a normal day . I was just excited to see him . It was almost noon when I reached his place . It all started to turn around when I saw a message from his friend . : Aku cuba tanye kay ? Man stop sudah la . And the FIRST thing that popped into my head was - DRUG . And I was right . He confessed after I asked him a lot of times . I cried when he wasn't looking . But he knew . Of course he knew ! I can't handle the pain anymore . I went out of his house and smoke and just smoke . Stick after stick . I let out all my anger , pain , everything . Then he came and sat beside me . Kept on saying sorry . Just sorry . I didn't say a thing . Not even a word . I feel like leaving him (Yes , a present tense .) But I know I can't live w/o him . I just wanna leave being suffocated . I left his house - hoping he would run after me . Note: He stopped running after me since he was released . Nothing . Not even a call . I sat down at our usual place , ...

His LAST long message before he went in . "Syg,i akn jaga u ngn baik dn penuh ngn kasih syg yg ikhlas trhadap u..u,terima kasih kerana slama ni u syg dn jaga i dgn baik dn ikhlas..syg bnyk berkorban untuk i..syg,skg i pula ingin korban segalanya untuk u..i syg dn cintakn u..u,maafkn smua kesalahan i slama ni u..i benar2 minta maaf..syg,i sedih teringtkn bila i uat u sedih dn menangis disebabkn i..maafkn i u..i sygkn u sorang je u.." Where is that guy that I know ? RIght now he blames me for everything . Even if I were to cry at night , he don't care . He just stop caring . Right now , it takes EVERYTHING in me not to call him .

Maybe this is it ? I really do not know what to do now . All I can do now is hope that one day you realise how much I love you . I couldn't forgive you because I have a reason to do so . You've been apologising for the SAME mistake over and over again . And I'm stupid anough to forgive you every single time . But now , I can't . No more . When I ask you to leave me for a week , I hear from your voice that you really do not want it . I've known you for too long to know you well enough . But I need to leave you . I have to . I'm not going to contact you for a week . I'll get back to you by next Thursday . But that depends on you . I'm not asking for much . I'm just asking for your real love . For that Hilman that I once really fall in love with . That Hilman who I can see in his eyes that he is sincere .

Yesterday night was the real confession night . I never thought I would make you cry again . And I never meant it to be that way . I love you and I can never replace you . I don't want to tell you because I know how things would turned out . I cried because I know you are hating me . And I know how much you are hurt inside . I feel like just running to you that night and hug you . I'm sorry for thinking about that other guy . Yes , I know he treat me the way I wanted a guy to treat me . But you are not him and all I want is you . I should not have force you into anything . I should have just keep my mouth shut and not hurt you . But you keep on wanting to know what is going on . And right now you are okay . You act like as if nothing happened yesterday . Because even I'm like this , you love me and you can't leave me . I am so sorry for hurting you . Nothing I do can take those words I say yesterday . Only time can heal . And I know there are stil...

Sayang , I want you to read this when you wake up . And please , let me know your reply . Or at least tell me what you really wanna tell me okay ? Here goes . I love you . I truly do love you . Even words can't describe how I really love you . You never once bought me flowers , you never once look me in the eye for a long time and tell me how much you love me , you never once bring me to a surprise , you never once look at me like how I look at you and much more . Those are the things I want to see from a guy . But even if you never once done it , my love is never less . I cried thinking about what I did to you . I am incredibly sorry for what I did . I played with you . I cheated you with some other guys . The worst that I did was to share my love for you with some other guy . But you stayed . You still stay because you know deeply that my love for you is eternal . I cannot imagine my life without you . You changed me . And I'm thankful for that . You made me become so...

HAPPY 5 YEARS 9 MONTHS SAYAAAAAAAANG ! Sayang , do you realise that our relationship is going to reach 6 years soon ? And it seems like it was just yesterday we met at ECP . Did you ever think that we are going to even last this long ? I guess I already found my jodoh when I was only 13 . Are you really mine sayang ? After you keluar, what are you plan for us ? What are you going to do to make sure that we are never separated ? Are you going to ruin it again by going into prison ? Or are you going to marry me one day ? Marrying is a HUGE sacrifice tau sayang . I really would want to marry you . But what about you ? Are you even ready ? Think about it . Love you !

MY FIRST PAPER IS DONEEE ! And you know what ? It was quite managable !!! I simply love that paper . Well, as always, I wore the CINO bracelet and your necklace for luck . I kissed the ring on your necklace before I do the paper . And I guess your luck gave me luck . Hehe . My next paper is in 4 more days . And it is my HATEST SUBJECT - Pharmacology . For today, I'm just going to rest for awhile and start studying tomorrow. Otak boleh pecah sey sayang . Love you .

HAPPY VALENTINES' DAY . I know we are not suppose to celebrate it . But hey , I celebrate it as today is like the day of LOVE . And my love is YOU of course . But sadly another year came and we never once celebrate Valentines day . Do you realise we always quarrel on Valentines Day ? Do you ? I wonder . . . My exam is tomorrow . I have GOT TO STUDY ! Love you !

STUDY STUDY STUDYYY ! My paper is in 2 more days and all I need to do was only studying . Right now I feel so insecure not studying . I need some rest . Been studying even in Malaysia I studied . I really hope I can pass this paper . I wouldn't want to repeat at all ! Anyway, I was suppose to visit you tomorrow . But your mum wanted me to push it to 22nd . Valentines day ruin. ): But takpe la. You pun da nak keluar . Miss you LOADS!

I am back from Malaysia sayaaang ! Hehehe . I would love to talk all about it here . But TOO MUCH TO TYPE ! So I made a video every day to tell you what I did . I'll show you when you da keluar kay ? Hehe . Love you !

Sayang , I just left the link centre . In the bus on my way to school now . I was quite disappointed knowing that I'm late and I only get 20 minutes with you . We would still be talking right now . But hey , you are coming out in 18 days sayang . Sayang , I can see you are much sensitive now . Even before you tell me sayang . You love me , that is why . Yes sayang , I did change . I'm grown up now . Quite without you . But listen , even if I change , my love for you never change . I still love you since you said you love me . I still love you even after knowing you lied to me . So what makes you think that I would stop loving you ? I will never . I JUST CAN'T UNLOVE YOU . I can't . I love you more everyday . Believe me sayang . I mean what I said . I really do love you so much . Muuuaah !

Today's paper was alright . Kinda difficult for NSL . But NS4 is alright . So now I'm going to concentrate on my exams ! Going to Malaysia tomorrow . Gonna pack up soon . Sayang , I'm visiting you tomorrow ! Can't wait ! Sorry sayang , nothing much to say today . Love you !

School ends early todayyy ! Went straight home . Now I'm studying for tomorrow's test !!! I have not much confidence in this . URGHHH . I don't want to repeat this module please . Urgh . I have to study . Love youuu !

Hey sayang ! I got your letter today ! My dad and Aqilah went down to check the mailbox . The Aqilah ceritakan I macam gini : "Kakak , just now when ayah open the mailbox , I saw abang man letter . Then I take and say , "YAY THIS LETTER !" . Then ayah say , "What letter is that ?" Then I say , "Cannot tell ."" Cute sangat la si kecik tu ! Sayang , by tomorrow , I da boleh countdown to your release with my fingers and toes ! Hehe . 20 more days left ! CAN'T WAIT ! I'm in the middle of studying just now . But I just have to write you something . I'm not as stress as I was two weeks ago . I'm alright and better now . I just hope I won't flunk my exams . Hais . . . Love you !

SAYANG GUESS WHAT ?! I GOT AN A+ FOR MY PRACTICAL TEST !!! A+ !!! I cannot believe it ! I CANNOTTTTT ! Hehe (: Tak sia2 uat model semua for the test . OMGGG ! I STILL CANNOT BELIEVE IT ! I am finally done with all my assignments ! PHEW ! So now that are left is one more test and 2 EXAM papers . AND I'M DONE WITH YEAR 2 ! Enough good news from me . Hehe (: Then after that proceed to my attachment . . . ALAHAIIIS . Haha ! Would be IMH and KK . So sayang , ape lagi ? Fetch I everyday ah ! Hehehe ! Can tak ? Takle takpe . . . Love you !

SAYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANG ! I WENT TO PIZZA HUT TODAY ! Hehehehehe ! MY dad and I da start talking ! Yay ! Alamak , I just remembered I'm going to eat pizza again tomorrow . ALAAAAA . Nanti gemok pizza ! OMG OMG OMG ! SAYANG ! Semenjak you da nak keluar , I asyik makaaaaaan je . I'm putting on weighttt ! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH ! Okay , I''m hyper right now because , I DA HABIS ALL MY ASSIGNMENTS ! Hehe ! Oh and sayang , I'm seeing you in 5 more days . Then after that visit , I'm going to A&F and buy your shirt . Hopefully you like it . Then probably I'll visit you on the 12th or 13th to give you the shirt . CAN'T WAIT ! LOOOOOOOOOOVE YOUUUUUU !

Hey sayaaang . Guess how many days I've lived without holding you ? 350 DAYS ! Can you even believe it ? Stayed home the whole day today . I was doing my ELAHA . But I got bored and played The Sims . Tapi terus the Sims yang main I balik . Haha ! I tertidur depan laptop I . Hakim tadi tiba2 message I yang friendship I, Zaim dengan dia da masuk 10 tahun . So diorang nak celebrate by baking a nutella cake at my house ! Haha ! Diorang da datang gila diorang . But it will be after exam la . It's so sweet of them . Confirm kite semua have fun ! LOL . I'm going to continue with another 350 words for my ELAHA assignment . But I'm going to end this day with a question . Sayang , if both of us have no choice but only one can live , what would you do ? Kill yourself and let me suffer alone ? OR kill me ? Sorry . I was watching The Hunger Game just now . Hehe . Answer kay ? Love you .

Hello sayangku . I'm relaxing for today . Went to school for 2 hours lesson and went straight to town . I went A&F , Topman , Paul Smith , H&M and Cotton On . THERE ISN'T THE BAJU YOU WANTED !!! So I think I'll ask you again . I'll give you the baju at least 10 days before you released okay ? Because I need to ask you what kind of baju you want instead of 3/4 sleeve . So anyway sayang , today da 1st February . Remember February 2012 ? My worst month of 2012 . We fight almost everyday ! And when we decided to just forgive each other , the next day you were gone . You don't know how much it hurts everytime I think of it . And it's a lie if that kind of thought doesn't kill me . When you keluar , I don't know what to do . I don't even know what to say . But I know one thing for sure , I'll be there when you need me there . I love you .

I baru sampai rumah from school . My test was 6-8pm . AND I TAK ADE CONFIDENCE FOR THAT PAPER !!! AHHHHHH ! I padahal belajar sey ! I think I just didn't study enough . It's like everything I studied just wanish form my head ! Sayang , I keep on repeating this song , "You don't know me" "You think you know me, but you don't know me You think you own me, but you can't control me You look at me and there's just one thing that you see So listen to me... Listen to me!" You used to be so mean to me . When I was the one who love you the most , you keep on bringing me down . But right now when you realise you're deep in love with me , I'm in control of myself . I'm stronger now . I can live for 1 year without you . I survived . But read the other part of the lyrics : "And the longer that you stay The ice is melting And the pain feels okay It feels okay Hey..." Even if I'm in control . Even if I le...

Hey sayang . I'm still not talking to my dad . HAis . It's because of I taknak siapkan Aqilah . I bukan taknak siapkan sey ! I sendiri kalau tak siap , I lambat . Si Fatin lak tak tahu nak bangun . Mentang2 I ni kakak , I have to do everything ah ? Even if I fail my course , they don't care ah ? Bingit gila tau that morning . He ruin my whole day ! Sayang , I'm starting to miss your calls again . I know you'll be out soon . But I just can't wait to look at the phone and see you calling me . All our midnight calls is going to happen soon . And if you tidur cepat , I DENDA YOU ! HMPH ! Love you . MMMUAH !

Well , today presentation went really good . Better than expected . The teacher find my presentation unique . Hehe . Yay ! So now , I'm going on to revising for ELAHA test . Oh , I belum bagi you my schedule this week ! Monday : Practical test Tuesday : Pharmacology Presentation Wednesday : ELAHA test (tomorrow!) Thursday : NS3 test !!! Friday : RELAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAX ! I cannot wait for Friday to come . AHHHHHHHHHH ! Love you !

I PASSED MY PRACTICAL TEST ! TEACHER SAID I DID SO WELL ! Omg , omg OMG ! Hehe (: I really did so much for the practical test to be flawless . And I did ! I bring a huge model to school and make sure that I had enough practice . Do you know before the practical test , I imagine you calling me saying : "Sayang , I know you can do this . You can do it . Trust me ." AND I DID IT ! Hehe (: So right now I have to concentrate on my presentation tomorrow . I'm not doing anything much for it tomorrow . Just hope that the teacher would at least pass us . WISH ME LUCK ! (:

HAPPY 25th BIRTHDAY SAYAAAAAAANG ! Remember last year's birthday celebration ? It was so much fun ! And remember the present I gave to you ? Oh , yeah , I forgot , you sold it . HMPH ! But anyway , today I celebrate your birthday by going SHOPPING for myself . Hehe ! I bought Dr. Martens SHOES !!! Hehe (: Tu je I beli . HAHAHAHA ! Sayang !!! I get back all our stuffs from my old laptop !!! EVERYTHING IS INSIDE ! OMG . Gambar2 you semua kat dalam . And also the first photo that I see of you ! OMG , I am so so happy !!! You nye pink pun ade . -.- Nanti you da keluar , we look at it kay ? Sayang , you're 25 , what do you want to do with your life now ?

I got my money todaaaaaay ! Hehe (: Okay da da . Today I spent all my time at home doing my project for Monday ! I NEED A HIGH SCORE FOR MY PRACTICAL TEST ! And if I have to spent all my day and night doing this , I would . I wish you could see my model for the practical test . It really work sey ! Anyway , I would be going to Queensway to buy my brother's present . And also to SimLim Square to repair my laptop . So right now I am going to continue with my project model ! Urgh . Love you !

Sayaaaaaaang ! I visited you today ! Hehe (: I was late for school . But like I say , you are my FIRST PRIORITY . You lagi boleh tanya I betul ke tak eh ? Sayang today was really very funny . I love it when we are like that . We are like before again . Like we were on the phone . And yes sayang , I am very embarrassed . You suke eh buat I camtu . Hmph . But that makes me feel our lovelife once again . Our morning schedule , will it be the same again ? "It will come naturally ." That is what you said . But what if I really don't want to . Will you be angry or will you respect me ? Honestly sayang , I miss it too . But I don't want you to do it again . You're already on the right track . And I wouldn't want to ruin that . Sayang , I GOT AN 'A' FOR MY PRESENTATION . ALHAMDULILLAH ! I am really proud . I told you that you are my good luck charm ! I know that visiting you would give me some luck ! I still have a lot of things to ...

HOW ARE YOU ?!!! HAHAHAHAHA ! Okay I'm gila right now not because of happiness . BUT BECAUSE I AM SO STRESSSSSSSSSS ! TOMORROW PRESENTATION AND EVERYONE NOT SENDING ME ANYTHING ! AHHHHHHHH ! I DON'T CARE ! I'M JUST GOING TO VISIT YOU TOMORROW . AND JUST LET THEM HANDLE IT ! ASDFGHJKL ! Ugh . I mean seriously , semua they campak at me . Told them to send yesterday , tak send pun . So now I'm the one who have to stay up to compile everything ? Eh , sorry eh . Korang semua buat yang lain ah . So pissed off . So anywayyy , CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOUUUUUUUUU ! MMMMMMUAAAAAAAH !

SAYAAAAAAAAANG ! Hehe (: Well , today was alright . Not too stress at the moment . But gonna be tomorrow . HAHA ! Today Dalila , Ernie and I are very quiet . Most of the things that we think about is our school work . Too much things to do . We understood each other so it was really very quiet . I'm still trying to touch up my Powerpoint Slides for practical test . Ugh . Hate my life right now . But I love you though . Hehe (:

HAPPY 65 MONTHS . *wink wink* Anyway sayang , Pharm test was alright . I studied enough alhamdulillah . Maybe you are there with me during the test eh ? Hehe (: So now I'm stress about SAWI presentation . It's this coming Friday and I've done NOTHING yet ! My practical test is next Monday and I've dot done with my model yet ! Feel suicidal right now . HAHAHA ! I mean not literally , don't worry . But hey , I'm going to meet you before my SAWI presentation . So that should bring me some luck ! Hehe , LOVE YOU !

I'm having Pharm test tomorrrow ! I really feel like crying . You selalu ade bila I belajar . But now you are just nowhere with me . There is too much things to handle . I am under a lot of stress right now . MANY THINGS DUE NEXT WEEK ! Sayang , I need you back here with me . I need you . I  N E E D  Y O U  ! I'm gonna study back now . And it's almost 12am ! AHHH !

Sayaaang ! I got your letter today ! I got your letter 3 times a week ! Macam nak bahasakan I je ni . Anyway , I went out with my family today ! Went out for SWENSENS ! Initially we just wanted to buy a bigger present for mama . But then we all decide to shop for laptop . Haha ! Sayang , busy week is coming tomorrow . And I'm so scared . I don't know what I'll do if I fail . I really hope you were here . I Love you .

Sayaaaang ! Right now it is 3:08am . So it's already 20th January . I didn't do anything much on Friday . I was doing my school work all day . Too much things to do . ): My cousins are now all home . Today was the best day of my life . I dapat visit you and have a party with my cousins . So sayang , I'm going to talk about your visit . Sayang , the way you talked really makes me touched . I am in love with that Hilman . Sayang , you have to know that my love for you is really strong . I can NEVER forget about you sayang . I love you . It may seems easy to say but it is real . My love for you is too strong . You have to trust me . I know sayang worried I'll leave you . I will never . Just please stop hurting me . Just a single hurt with break me into pieces sayang . I'm fragile now . Anything can just break me apart . And I don't want you to be the one who did it . You've convinced me that your love is real . But can you convince me t...

SAYANG ! I JUST GOT YOUR LETTER ! BAHAHHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAA ! When my dad reached home , he called me . Then I came out from my room and say , "Yes ?" Then my dad just looked at me . So I just blurr-ly looked back at him . Then I saw your letter at the front pocket of his shirt ! I jumped like a crazy happy girl towards him and took that letter ! HAHAHAHAHA ! Cute la my dad . I love him so much . Haha ! Sayang ! In exactly 40 days you'll be baaack ! I'm nervous again . Urgh . I miss you too much ! I'll be seeing you in 2 more days sayang ! I LOVE YOU !

HAPPY 5 YEARS 8 MONTHSARY ! I made a video for you today . I don't know whether I should delete it or not . Because I'm crying inside . Ugh , feel so stupid right now . I just woke up anyway , nothing much to do . BUT NOW I'M SO STRESS . Tomorrow I ade 2 tests . Urghhhh . I have to study now . But I selesema sey sayang . What to dooo ? I takde ubat selesema . Ugh , I hate this . Kay lah sayang , I'm going to study now . Love you .

Sayang ! I'm doing my work right now . And so since right now it is 12:20 . Which means . . . HAPPY 5 YEARS 8 MONTHS !  Hehehe ! I'm making a video for you after school . Or maybe now , see first . I'm gonna tell you how much I love you . Hope you'll see the video . Hehe ! LOVE YOU . MUAAAH !

As promised , I will still be blogging about what I'm doing here . Today is Fatin's birthday ! Penat sey dari sekolah terus gi Nex and find for her birthday present . It's my brother's money , so I don't minddd . Hehe ! Celebration as per normal . So after that STRAIGHT to studyyy ! I have TOO MUCH coming up this week and next week . I'm so stressed out ! I really really cannot take it . But I know I have to endure it . I have to make it to Year 3 ! I HAVE TO ! Ugh .

Hello sayangku . This is going to be my last letter for you . But I will still be writing after this . You just have to check out our blog to read what I'm doing after today . Sayang , just one and the half more month till you are release . I really don't know how to feel . I am happy of course . But how do I react to you when I see you . Would it be awkward ? Would it be like the first time I meet you ? I'm visiting you in 6 more days . I need to ask you about the baju you need once again . Hopefully I tak lupa la . Your mum will be seeing you in 3 more days . I really wish that I could follow ! I really want to !!! But hey , I cuma matair you sayang . . . Sayang , why do you want the lyrics for Kebahagiaan Dalam Perpisahan – Shahir AF8 ? Have you even listen to the lyrics before ?! It's not a happy song do you know that ? Is it for me sayang ? Let me tell you about the lyrics . "Tak perlu ucapkan sepatah kata Kerna lantang terbaca dari m...

Sayaaaaaaaaaaang ! Hehe (: My family and I just done celebrating advance January Birthday . We celebrated today because Abang can't celebrate with us tomorrow . So all in all we just celebrate today lah . The celebration was not so big . We ordered KFC because Aqilah wanted it and just a small cake . Tu je . Abang bought for Aqilah the toy she wanted . I'm playing with her right now . Sayang , just now I took a video of her . Then she said : "This video is for Abang Man eh ?" I was shocked . My father look at me . I just say , "Ape je!" I'll be visiting you in a week from now . I was suppose to visit you today , tapi takde slot . ): I miss you a lot sayang !

Hello sayang . Friday in here once again . (9:20PM) And I will be going through my presentation for this weekend . And also my tests next week . I have 2 tests next week . Year two final term is really stressful ! Let me tell you what I will have next week . Monday : Starting of practical preparations . Tuesday : Dental appointment (3 hours) Wednesday : Elaha presentation Thursday : NS4 & NS3 tests Friday : Consultation for Pharm project . Too much to handle sey sayang . I'm doing everything one by one right now . I'll get back to you at night or maybe midnight . I think I might be sleeping late tonight . --- So , right now it is 11:43PM . And I just wanna say some things to you . Sayang , have you ever feel that you are unstoppable ? Have you ever feel that you can do anything , anything at all ? Well I do . And that is when I'm with you . Just you being here in my life , I always tell myself to never give up . And you were always there enco...

Hello sayangku . Hmmm . . . What did I do today eh ? Oh . I HAVE TO WAKE UP EARLY IN THE MORNING !!! I start sekolah pukul 10 sey . Then I have to just wake up at 5:30AM to siapkan Aqilah . Urgh . Penat giler sey sayang . Anyway , nothing much really happened in school . Sayang . . . I was thinking about something just now . Sayang , how can I trust you again ? How ? You kate you sayang I , you cinta I . But you still lie to me . And you still say that you want to marry me . How can I even trust you on taking care of me ? How sayang ? I do love you so much . But you have to earn my trust once again . The next time you lie to me , I will never believe any word you say . Even if you say you love me , I will never believe it . I'm making a video on 16 January . I would cry , I don't know . But for what I know , I'm telling you everything in the video . I love you a lot .

Hello sayang ! Right now it is 12:10am . I baru lepas uat kerja sekolah I sayang . Sayang , I realise that I makin tak makan sangat . I have no idea why . I guess it's stress related . Sayang , when I think about it , bagus jugak you keluar on the 26th . Hehe ! Sorry laaa , but at least bila you keluar , I'm done with year 2 ! And I will be in my final year of poly . Hopefully I pass la sayang . Anywayyy , I watched a movie called Contagion . It's about how Swine Flu was spread . It was really so sad to see many people dying . Especially seeing a guy just can't believe that her wife just died in a blink of an eye ! For all I know if you were highly contagious , I would be around you . So that we get the same virus , and we die together . Hahahaha ! Sweet kaaan ?!!! YOU INGAT NI FAIRY TALE KE PE ??? Hee (: But I rather die than suffer all my life without you . Da la , kate2 merepek je ni semua . 6 more days left to 5 years 8 months . 47 days left t...

O H M Y G O D ! I HATE MY DREAM ! I just woke up from my dream . (10:07pm) And I have to tell you . It is just so heartbreaking . In my dream , I was the one that was sent to jail . I have no idea why , but I was in there . Soon , I was released and of course , I would be searching for you . In my dream I stayed at your house . So when I reached home , I did not see you . I asked your mum and she said you were out . So I waited at home to surprise you . But you came home too late that I was already fast asleep . I woke up to the sound of you going out of the house early in the morning . I opened the front door and you were gone again . You did not even notice that I'm back home . I thought you changed your number , so I just tried my luck and call you . And guess who picked up my call ? A girl . So I asked where are you ? She said you were in the toilet . When I ask where exactly you are , she passed the phone to you . Then you told me to call you back . I wa...

Hello sayaaang ! This will be the last letter for you . Today is another day of school . I've booked to visit you on the 19 of January !!! Hehe (: Nothing much going on in school anyway . But going on to year 3 , nothing is getting easier . Urgh ! So I'm okay with Abang Hidir alr . Seems like without me around , die jadi gila . And I mean literally ! He was referred to a psychologist at CGH . I was really shocked ! He have too much going on in his mind I guess . And then lepas satu , satu ! Azrai tiba2 message I . He sound so high ! He suddenly ask me whether I have someone special in my life . I told him he know what ! He knows I have you dari dulu pe ! Then he was like , "Umm , I don't know ." Then die tiba2 kate Hi lagi . Irritating la please . Urgh . Da , I malas nak layan diorang ni , tidur pun best ! Love youuu ! Muah !

Hello sayangku ! Today as usual , family day sayang . Woke up early in the morning to watch Wreck It Ralph at Shaw at Nex It's a cartoon movie . Aqilah wants to watch it . So all watch it lah . Haha ! After that we all went to Swensens to eat . We all have to be quick because my mum nak gi work and my brother need to book in soon . And I am stuck at home with Harry Potter . Haha ! I mean I've been watching Harry Potter since I came back from Nex . And right now I'm just getting ready for school tomorrow . I guess I will be sleeping soon . But before that I'm looking through what I did for you . Remember the surprise I wanted to give you ? It was nothing big . But I know it would be special for you . I love you sayang .

Sayang ! Today is 321 days without you . Hehe . Cool kan number tu ? Tapi 321 days without you tu yang tak cool ! *angry face* Today I am involved with Ngee Ann open house ! It was so fun sayang ! I jadi Gynecologist ! It's a doctor that specialised in female reproductive system . I keep on doing a simulation of giving birth . Beridu2 kali I demonstrate how do doctors deliver the baby . Sampai penat sey sayang . AND YOU KNOW WHAT ?! Sebelum I gi sekolah for the open house . I was almost molested in the bus . Satu apek ni naik bus terus tengok I semacam I duduk sebelah I . Then after that die letak tangan die kat seat I . Then bila bus turn , die macam konon "accidently" terpegang pantat I . BELIEVE IT OR NOT , I siku die . Die terus turun bus sey sayang ! HAHA ! See , I told you that I can take care of myself sayang . Don't worry too much . Sayang , right now I'm so organised . I don't want to fail any subject at all . So I'll recor...

Sayaaaaang ! Tomorrow I am participating in Open House at my school . I will be acting like the doctor delivering babies ! Hehe ! I am VERY nervous ! I takut I tak dapat bobal betul . But hopefully I dapat la sayang . Sayang , I realised that when you keluar , I'll be having attachment ! Urghhh . Hopefully tak petang la . Kalau tak , tak dapat jumpa you sey sayang ! Spoil ah attachment ni semua !!! Hmph ! Anyway sayang , bila you keluar nanti , I will be in Year 3 . And I will be VERY busy . 6 bulan attachment ! Can you cope with me like this ? Will you be okay kalau I tak jumpa you sangat ? You sayang I kan ? You faham I kan sayang ? I hope you do . I taknak kite gaduh2 pasal bende kecik macam ni . Okay la sayang , da nak midnight . I have to sleep soon ! LOVE YOU .

SAYANG ! HELLOOO ! Sayang nak tahu something tak ? Kalau taknak tahu sudah ! I bilang jugak ! Hehe (: My close friends that knew you were in keep on telling me this : "Fiqah , lagi satu bulan lebih je ! Kau sabar je babe !" Some even say , "Eh , mentang2 matair kau nak keluar , kau happy semacam je eh ?" Diorang semua suka kacau I sey ! Haha ! They have been there for me . They are the ones that help me regain my strength . Maybe they don't know that , but one day I'll tell them . AND TO YOU , do not , DO NOT EVER do this again ! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ?! I will never be able to forgive you if you do this again ! Sayang , as much as I really want to jom , I don't want to . Have you ever hear this phrase : "No relationship can survive if they never put Allah first ." Do you know why I still love you after all this happens ? Do you know why I still stay for you ? Do you know why our love are still staying strong ? Even stronger ...

My first day of Term 4 is today ! I was a little bit excited for school today because I've prepared myself for school . Catch up with my two girls was awesome . We never stopped laughing ! Rindu diorang to the max ! Tomorrow on lecture cancelled . But I still have to go to go at 8am for remedial session . I'm going to be serious for this term because I cannot fail again . I want to go to Year 3 this April . I don't want to repeat at all . I'm not a type of person to repeat school . I'm scared now sayang . If only you were here to release my stress away . I miss you so much sayang . Few more weeks left sayang ! Ahhh !

TOMORROW SEKOLAAAH !!! I DON'T WANT TO GO TOO SOON !!! Hehe . Right now it is 11:00PM . I am ready to sleep since tomorrow I sekolah . Yesterday I tidur pukul 5 lebih and bangun pukul 8 lebih . Then I sengaje pakse diri takmo tidur sampai malam so that I can sleep early . Tapi nampaknye macam same je . Alahais . Sayang ! Da January ! Next week will the the last letter I'm going to give you . You are going out soon sayang . I da la busy nanti bila school starts , confirm sekelip mate je you da keluar . I cannot waiiit ! I miss you too much ! You are going out on Tuesday . I'll be in school . I end at 5PM . But if I'm having exam I'll be finishing early . Omg , I'm nervous again out of a sudden . I really don't know how to react . Ahhhhhhhhhhhh !!! Love you !

It is 5:21am right now . So it's already 1st of January . Happy New Year Sayang . As promised , I made many videos for you . Just to prove to you that I did not go anywhere . I listen to you sayang . Even when you are not here . Sayang I miss you so bad . You are my first real love . You are the first person I kiss . I can never leave you . Leaving you is the same like killing myself . You are always THE one . The only one . Even if I have to leave you one day , you know my heart disapproves of it . I love you a lot sayang . Please just stop . STOP hurting me . Stop making me cry every single day . Sayang , kite belum kahwin pun tau . And if this is what it will become , I honestly taknak kahwin dengan you . Let me trust you , give me some hope that you can build a great family . If you can't , there is no need for US . My love has always been you . My heart has always belong to you . Only you .