♥ LoveLane LoveStory ♥

It was just a normal day like any other days . I woke up early to see him . I brought all my scrapbook equipments so that I could at least do something at his house . Oh and you have NO idea how heavy it was ! Everything seems normal . He helped me with my scrapbook . We laugh . We kid around . It was perfectly normal ! Until when I was finding for him and he wasn't around . Since CNB came over to his house , he is very cautious . He would always stand at the window and look out for them . But he wasn't there when I was finding for him . So I called for him . His mother said that he is in his room . He came out and I saw something that I know he is taking it . I pretended that I didn't know . I kept it inside of me . After I kept all of my things away , I approached him at the window . Me : You took it again right ? Him : Ape you ? Me : Stop pretending that you don't know . Him : You merepek ah you . Me : Siape yang merepek ? I or you ?! He kep...

I don't know how much more nonsense I could handle . Since the day I knew that he went back to taking it , our relationship was going haywire . I tried my best to stop him from taking it . But nothing I do could stopped him . We were on and off for 4 months now . I don't know whether there is still Love . But I know that no matter what , I will still love him . Come on , I waited for him for a year while he was in prison . There is my proof of my love towards him . But where's his proof ? The only thing that he would say , "I kalau tak sayang , da lama I tinggalkan ." That would be his exact words . He did everything that the worse boyf could ever do . Except for cheating and beating me . He lied . He used me . He threatened me . Vulgar language at every sentences . Don't ask me why I still love him . I just do . Because I know , somewhere inside of him , there is still hope for us . He tried to change . He succeed once . But then that thi...

We broke up on the 13th March . We broke up about the same thing again and again . But last night was amazing . I promised myself that that was going to be the final break up . And I will never see him ever again . My heart yearned for him . My skin crave for him . I can't live without him . I knew that all along . But every single time I think about what he did to me , I would hate him so much . But just that night , I remove all my hate towards him . I forget everything he did to me . I kept aside all my memories of him hurting me . Just that night I want him so badly . I texted him : Don't sleep tonight . I need your help . Please ? He was worried and wanting to know what was happening . I wanted to surprise him . That was just a little prank for him to not sleep yet . I went out at 11pm . I reached his house at 11:45pm I texted him : Are you still awake ? He replied : Yes , can you please tell me was is wrong ? You are making me worried I replied...

He really did it . I did not believe it at first . But he did . He really did it on his wrist . A place where he could see my name . I was mad when I saw this . I was really angry looking at this . I told him not to do it . But he did . He said he wants to prove his love . I don't need a permanent ink on his skin to prove his love for me . I need honesty and love . Something where you never give .

It was a normal day . I was just excited to see him . It was almost noon when I reached his place . It all started to turn around when I saw a message from his friend . : Aku cuba tanye kay ? Man stop sudah la . And the FIRST thing that popped into my head was - DRUG . And I was right . He confessed after I asked him a lot of times . I cried when he wasn't looking . But he knew . Of course he knew ! I can't handle the pain anymore . I went out of his house and smoke and just smoke . Stick after stick . I let out all my anger , pain , everything . Then he came and sat beside me . Kept on saying sorry . Just sorry . I didn't say a thing . Not even a word . I feel like leaving him (Yes , a present tense .) But I know I can't live w/o him . I just wanna leave being suffocated . I left his house - hoping he would run after me . Note: He stopped running after me since he was released . Nothing . Not even a call . I sat down at our usual place , ...

His LAST long message before he went in . "Syg,i akn jaga u ngn baik dn penuh ngn kasih syg yg ikhlas trhadap u..u,terima kasih kerana slama ni u syg dn jaga i dgn baik dn ikhlas..syg bnyk berkorban untuk i..syg,skg i pula ingin korban segalanya untuk u..i syg dn cintakn u..u,maafkn smua kesalahan i slama ni u..i benar2 minta maaf..syg,i sedih teringtkn bila i uat u sedih dn menangis disebabkn i..maafkn i u..i sygkn u sorang je u.." Where is that guy that I know ? RIght now he blames me for everything . Even if I were to cry at night , he don't care . He just stop caring . Right now , it takes EVERYTHING in me not to call him .

Maybe this is it ? I really do not know what to do now . All I can do now is hope that one day you realise how much I love you . I couldn't forgive you because I have a reason to do so . You've been apologising for the SAME mistake over and over again . And I'm stupid anough to forgive you every single time . But now , I can't . No more . When I ask you to leave me for a week , I hear from your voice that you really do not want it . I've known you for too long to know you well enough . But I need to leave you . I have to . I'm not going to contact you for a week . I'll get back to you by next Thursday . But that depends on you . I'm not asking for much . I'm just asking for your real love . For that Hilman that I once really fall in love with . That Hilman who I can see in his eyes that he is sincere .

Yesterday night was the real confession night . I never thought I would make you cry again . And I never meant it to be that way . I love you and I can never replace you . I don't want to tell you because I know how things would turned out . I cried because I know you are hating me . And I know how much you are hurt inside . I feel like just running to you that night and hug you . I'm sorry for thinking about that other guy . Yes , I know he treat me the way I wanted a guy to treat me . But you are not him and all I want is you . I should not have force you into anything . I should have just keep my mouth shut and not hurt you . But you keep on wanting to know what is going on . And right now you are okay . You act like as if nothing happened yesterday . Because even I'm like this , you love me and you can't leave me . I am so sorry for hurting you . Nothing I do can take those words I say yesterday . Only time can heal . And I know there are stil...

Sayang , I want you to read this when you wake up . And please , let me know your reply . Or at least tell me what you really wanna tell me okay ? Here goes . I love you . I truly do love you . Even words can't describe how I really love you . You never once bought me flowers , you never once look me in the eye for a long time and tell me how much you love me , you never once bring me to a surprise , you never once look at me like how I look at you and much more . Those are the things I want to see from a guy . But even if you never once done it , my love is never less . I cried thinking about what I did to you . I am incredibly sorry for what I did . I played with you . I cheated you with some other guys . The worst that I did was to share my love for you with some other guy . But you stayed . You still stay because you know deeply that my love for you is eternal . I cannot imagine my life without you . You changed me . And I'm thankful for that . You made me become so...

HAPPY 5 YEARS 9 MONTHS SAYAAAAAAAANG ! Sayang , do you realise that our relationship is going to reach 6 years soon ? And it seems like it was just yesterday we met at ECP . Did you ever think that we are going to even last this long ? I guess I already found my jodoh when I was only 13 . Are you really mine sayang ? After you keluar, what are you plan for us ? What are you going to do to make sure that we are never separated ? Are you going to ruin it again by going into prison ? Or are you going to marry me one day ? Marrying is a HUGE sacrifice tau sayang . I really would want to marry you . But what about you ? Are you even ready ? Think about it . Love you !

MY FIRST PAPER IS DONEEE ! And you know what ? It was quite managable !!! I simply love that paper . Well, as always, I wore the CINO bracelet and your necklace for luck . I kissed the ring on your necklace before I do the paper . And I guess your luck gave me luck . Hehe . My next paper is in 4 more days . And it is my HATEST SUBJECT - Pharmacology . For today, I'm just going to rest for awhile and start studying tomorrow. Otak boleh pecah sey sayang . Love you .

HAPPY VALENTINES' DAY . I know we are not suppose to celebrate it . But hey , I celebrate it as today is like the day of LOVE . And my love is YOU of course . But sadly another year came and we never once celebrate Valentines day . Do you realise we always quarrel on Valentines Day ? Do you ? I wonder . . . My exam is tomorrow . I have GOT TO STUDY ! Love you !

STUDY STUDY STUDYYY ! My paper is in 2 more days and all I need to do was only studying . Right now I feel so insecure not studying . I need some rest . Been studying even in Malaysia I studied . I really hope I can pass this paper . I wouldn't want to repeat at all ! Anyway, I was suppose to visit you tomorrow . But your mum wanted me to push it to 22nd . Valentines day ruin. ): But takpe la. You pun da nak keluar . Miss you LOADS!

I am back from Malaysia sayaaang ! Hehehe . I would love to talk all about it here . But TOO MUCH TO TYPE ! So I made a video every day to tell you what I did . I'll show you when you da keluar kay ? Hehe . Love you !

Sayang , I just left the link centre . In the bus on my way to school now . I was quite disappointed knowing that I'm late and I only get 20 minutes with you . We would still be talking right now . But hey , you are coming out in 18 days sayang . Sayang , I can see you are much sensitive now . Even before you tell me sayang . You love me , that is why . Yes sayang , I did change . I'm grown up now . Quite without you . But listen , even if I change , my love for you never change . I still love you since you said you love me . I still love you even after knowing you lied to me . So what makes you think that I would stop loving you ? I will never . I JUST CAN'T UNLOVE YOU . I can't . I love you more everyday . Believe me sayang . I mean what I said . I really do love you so much . Muuuaah !

Today's paper was alright . Kinda difficult for NSL . But NS4 is alright . So now I'm going to concentrate on my exams ! Going to Malaysia tomorrow . Gonna pack up soon . Sayang , I'm visiting you tomorrow ! Can't wait ! Sorry sayang , nothing much to say today . Love you !

School ends early todayyy ! Went straight home . Now I'm studying for tomorrow's test !!! I have not much confidence in this . URGHHH . I don't want to repeat this module please . Urgh . I have to study . Love youuu !

Hey sayang ! I got your letter today ! My dad and Aqilah went down to check the mailbox . The Aqilah ceritakan I macam gini : "Kakak , just now when ayah open the mailbox , I saw abang man letter . Then I take and say , "YAY THIS LETTER !" . Then ayah say , "What letter is that ?" Then I say , "Cannot tell ."" Cute sangat la si kecik tu ! Sayang , by tomorrow , I da boleh countdown to your release with my fingers and toes ! Hehe . 20 more days left ! CAN'T WAIT ! I'm in the middle of studying just now . But I just have to write you something . I'm not as stress as I was two weeks ago . I'm alright and better now . I just hope I won't flunk my exams . Hais . . . Love you !

SAYANG GUESS WHAT ?! I GOT AN A+ FOR MY PRACTICAL TEST !!! A+ !!! I cannot believe it ! I CANNOTTTTT ! Hehe (: Tak sia2 uat model semua for the test . OMGGG ! I STILL CANNOT BELIEVE IT ! I am finally done with all my assignments ! PHEW ! So now that are left is one more test and 2 EXAM papers . AND I'M DONE WITH YEAR 2 ! Enough good news from me . Hehe (: Then after that proceed to my attachment . . . ALAHAIIIS . Haha ! Would be IMH and KK . So sayang , ape lagi ? Fetch I everyday ah ! Hehehe ! Can tak ? Takle takpe . . . Love you !

SAYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANG ! I WENT TO PIZZA HUT TODAY ! Hehehehehe ! MY dad and I da start talking ! Yay ! Alamak , I just remembered I'm going to eat pizza again tomorrow . ALAAAAA . Nanti gemok pizza ! OMG OMG OMG ! SAYANG ! Semenjak you da nak keluar , I asyik makaaaaaan je . I'm putting on weighttt ! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH ! Okay , I''m hyper right now because , I DA HABIS ALL MY ASSIGNMENTS ! Hehe ! Oh and sayang , I'm seeing you in 5 more days . Then after that visit , I'm going to A&F and buy your shirt . Hopefully you like it . Then probably I'll visit you on the 12th or 13th to give you the shirt . CAN'T WAIT ! LOOOOOOOOOOVE YOUUUUUU !