I lost to it . It wins . YOU win .
It was just a normal day like any other days .
I woke up early to see him .
I brought all my scrapbook equipments so that I could at least do something at his house .
Oh and you have NO idea how heavy it was !
Everything seems normal .
He helped me with my scrapbook .
We laugh . We kid around . It was perfectly normal !
Until when I was finding for him and he wasn't around .
Since CNB came over to his house , he is very cautious .
He would always stand at the window and look out for them .
But he wasn't there when I was finding for him .
So I called for him .
His mother said that he is in his room .
He came out and I saw something that I know he is taking it .
I pretended that I didn't know .
I kept it inside of me .
After I kept all of my things away , I approached him at the window .
Me : You took it again right ?
Him : Ape you ?
Me : Stop pretending that you don't know .
Him : You merepek ah you .
Me : Siape yang merepek ? I or you ?!
He kept quiet . And I walked away .
I was having a bad headache .
He gave me Panadol and I went to the living room and took a nap .
I didn't want to think about it .
I was there when you needed me the most .
I sacrificed everything for you to make you happy .
I did everything for you .
And this is what I got in return ?
You are still lying to me .
When I woke up , I went back to him at the window .
Me : I had warned you that if you lie to me again , I will leave you .
He kept quiet .
Me : So I am breaking up with you . Since this is what you want .
Him : I tak cakap I nak break up ape .
Me : Memang you tak cakap ! Tapi I warned you ! And you still do it ! So it shows that you wanted it !
Him : I tak nak break up .
Me : You don't need me in your life . What do you need me for ?
He didn't respond .
I walked away and took my things out .
I put them outside and went back in to him .
Me : Can I at least get a hug ?
Him : You yang nak break up , you pergi je ah . Ape yang nak hug hug lagi ?
Me : I am leaving and I might never come back . Can I please get my last hug .
Him : Uatpe ? You nak break up ape .
Me : Dalam relationship ni , I yang sayang you . You tak . Please you , I need our last hug .
I pulled his hand to make him hug me .
He jammed it there at the window .
Him : Merepek ah you .
Me : I just asked for our last hug . Please you . Please .
He turn around and hug me .
I can't control my tears . I let it all out .
I kissed his cheeks for the last time and then let go of him .
I walk away .
While standing at the front door , I looked at him .
He did not even turn to look at me when I left .
I walked very slowly to our place .
The bags that I was bringing was really heavy .
He did not even bother to send me home .
I can't do this . I can't break up with him . I love him .
I called him .
Me : You tak kesah langsung pasal I eh ?
Him : You ingat I happy ni sekarang ? You ingat I nak break up ? Eh I taknak la .
Me : Kenape pulak you taknak ? You lied and hurt me still .
Him : I terpaksa ah you . Bukan I sengaja .
Me : I bawak benda I ni berat2 , you tak kesah pun eh ?
Him : Abeh you nak I uatpe ? You yang nak break up ape .
Me : Kalau you kesah pasal I , turun sini tempat biasa .
He reached at our place .
We talked about the same thing .
He wanted me to give him time .
I can't . I gave him 7 years .
He said he need my support to let him berubah .
I've been supporting him but what did he do ?!
He lied and hurt me still .
Then he called his friends .
I know that he is going to take it again .
He walk away when he was talking to his friends .
OBVIOUSLY he is going to take it again .
I asked him , he said nothing .
He then said he wanted to go home .
He said that he's tired and he wanted to sleep .
I said to wait first .
He then said that I don't understand him .
Then a few minutes later , his friend called him .
I overheard something like this .
". . .cepat ah . Aku tunggu pat . . . . . . kau nak berape ?"
Him : Dua ah .
". . . cepat tau . . . . . ."
Him : Okay2 .
I stopped him . I hold his hand and I begged him not to go .
I begged him to stop . He used his force to push my hand away .
I shouted for him to come back . He showed a middle finger to me and walked away .
I took all my things and followed him . I was quite far .
When I reached his elevator . I couldn't find him .
I took the elevator up and I saw him changed into his sweater . (The sweater I gave him .)
I blocked him from the elevator .
He pushed me . But I stood there . I almost fell with all the things that I am carrying .
He doesn't care . I pushed him in .
When the elevator door closes , I said : I'm following you down and I'm still going to top you .
Him : AKU NYE PASAL AH NAK AMEK PUKIMAK ! TAK SUSAHKAN KAU KAN PUKIMAK !
We stopped when someone else came in .
When we were at the ground floor , I pulled his sweater and told him not to go .
Him : Jangan tarik baju aku ah .
Me : Don't go . I taknak you pergi .
Him : Orang tengok la .
Me : I taknak you pergi amek tu benda .
Him : Then you ikut I .
Me : I am not going . And I am not letting you go .
Him : Aku sakit la pukimak !
Me : Hurt me whatever you want . I am not letting you go !
He pushed me away and I lost the hold of his sweater .
Me : Please you . Don't go and take . You can stop . Please .
Him : I need it ! I nak pakai untuk besok ! Besok I kerja ! I nak dapatkan duit macam mane !
Me : Take the tramadol . Please . Please you . Don't go and take .
Him : Takmo stop I la ! Orang da lambat la pukimak ! Kawan I tunggu la sial !
Me : Takmo pergi !
He went away to the busstop .
Ignoring me .
I felt hopeless at that moment .
That thing wins . I lost to it . It is much more important to him now .
I went up to his mum and told her everything that happened .
I told her not to tell him what I told her .
I just need her to look after him since I won't be there for him anymore .
When he reached home , I took all my things and left .
I can't look at him .
I just leave .
He texted me and apologised .
But I can't take him back now .
I can't take him back ever again .
It hurts . Too much .
It is over .
My heart still can't accept the fact .
We are over .
I'll forgive him for what he did . But I won't forget .
This is just too much for me to even handle .
I love you , Hilman .
But I don't think we are meant to be .
Kite tak ade jodoh you .
So I guess for now , we are really over .
I'm still hurting you . You don't care about me anymore .
I doa2kan you akan dapat buang benda tu and be happy one day .
Even if it is not with me .
I still do love you .
I woke up early to see him .
I brought all my scrapbook equipments so that I could at least do something at his house .
Oh and you have NO idea how heavy it was !
Everything seems normal .
He helped me with my scrapbook .
We laugh . We kid around . It was perfectly normal !
Until when I was finding for him and he wasn't around .
Since CNB came over to his house , he is very cautious .
He would always stand at the window and look out for them .
But he wasn't there when I was finding for him .
So I called for him .
His mother said that he is in his room .
He came out and I saw something that I know he is taking it .
I pretended that I didn't know .
I kept it inside of me .
After I kept all of my things away , I approached him at the window .
Me : You took it again right ?
Him : Ape you ?
Me : Stop pretending that you don't know .
Him : You merepek ah you .
Me : Siape yang merepek ? I or you ?!
He kept quiet . And I walked away .
I was having a bad headache .
He gave me Panadol and I went to the living room and took a nap .
I didn't want to think about it .
I was there when you needed me the most .
I sacrificed everything for you to make you happy .
I did everything for you .
And this is what I got in return ?
You are still lying to me .
When I woke up , I went back to him at the window .
Me : I had warned you that if you lie to me again , I will leave you .
He kept quiet .
Me : So I am breaking up with you . Since this is what you want .
Him : I tak cakap I nak break up ape .
Me : Memang you tak cakap ! Tapi I warned you ! And you still do it ! So it shows that you wanted it !
Him : I tak nak break up .
Me : You don't need me in your life . What do you need me for ?
He didn't respond .
I walked away and took my things out .
I put them outside and went back in to him .
Me : Can I at least get a hug ?
Him : You yang nak break up , you pergi je ah . Ape yang nak hug hug lagi ?
Me : I am leaving and I might never come back . Can I please get my last hug .
Him : Uatpe ? You nak break up ape .
Me : Dalam relationship ni , I yang sayang you . You tak . Please you , I need our last hug .
I pulled his hand to make him hug me .
He jammed it there at the window .
Him : Merepek ah you .
Me : I just asked for our last hug . Please you . Please .
He turn around and hug me .
I can't control my tears . I let it all out .
I kissed his cheeks for the last time and then let go of him .
I walk away .
While standing at the front door , I looked at him .
He did not even turn to look at me when I left .
I walked very slowly to our place .
The bags that I was bringing was really heavy .
He did not even bother to send me home .
I can't do this . I can't break up with him . I love him .
I called him .
Me : You tak kesah langsung pasal I eh ?
Him : You ingat I happy ni sekarang ? You ingat I nak break up ? Eh I taknak la .
Me : Kenape pulak you taknak ? You lied and hurt me still .
Him : I terpaksa ah you . Bukan I sengaja .
Me : I bawak benda I ni berat2 , you tak kesah pun eh ?
Him : Abeh you nak I uatpe ? You yang nak break up ape .
Me : Kalau you kesah pasal I , turun sini tempat biasa .
He reached at our place .
We talked about the same thing .
He wanted me to give him time .
I can't . I gave him 7 years .
He said he need my support to let him berubah .
I've been supporting him but what did he do ?!
He lied and hurt me still .
Then he called his friends .
I know that he is going to take it again .
He walk away when he was talking to his friends .
OBVIOUSLY he is going to take it again .
I asked him , he said nothing .
He then said he wanted to go home .
He said that he's tired and he wanted to sleep .
I said to wait first .
He then said that I don't understand him .
Then a few minutes later , his friend called him .
I overheard something like this .
". . .cepat ah . Aku tunggu pat . . . . . . kau nak berape ?"
Him : Dua ah .
". . . cepat tau . . . . . ."
Him : Okay2 .
I stopped him . I hold his hand and I begged him not to go .
I begged him to stop . He used his force to push my hand away .
I shouted for him to come back . He showed a middle finger to me and walked away .
I took all my things and followed him . I was quite far .
When I reached his elevator . I couldn't find him .
I took the elevator up and I saw him changed into his sweater . (The sweater I gave him .)
I blocked him from the elevator .
He pushed me . But I stood there . I almost fell with all the things that I am carrying .
He doesn't care . I pushed him in .
When the elevator door closes , I said : I'm following you down and I'm still going to top you .
Him : AKU NYE PASAL AH NAK AMEK PUKIMAK ! TAK SUSAHKAN KAU KAN PUKIMAK !
We stopped when someone else came in .
When we were at the ground floor , I pulled his sweater and told him not to go .
Him : Jangan tarik baju aku ah .
Me : Don't go . I taknak you pergi .
Him : Orang tengok la .
Me : I taknak you pergi amek tu benda .
Him : Then you ikut I .
Me : I am not going . And I am not letting you go .
Him : Aku sakit la pukimak !
Me : Hurt me whatever you want . I am not letting you go !
He pushed me away and I lost the hold of his sweater .
Me : Please you . Don't go and take . You can stop . Please .
Him : I need it ! I nak pakai untuk besok ! Besok I kerja ! I nak dapatkan duit macam mane !
Me : Take the tramadol . Please . Please you . Don't go and take .
Him : Takmo stop I la ! Orang da lambat la pukimak ! Kawan I tunggu la sial !
Me : Takmo pergi !
He went away to the busstop .
Ignoring me .
I felt hopeless at that moment .
That thing wins . I lost to it . It is much more important to him now .
I went up to his mum and told her everything that happened .
I told her not to tell him what I told her .
I just need her to look after him since I won't be there for him anymore .
When he reached home , I took all my things and left .
I can't look at him .
I just leave .
He texted me and apologised .
But I can't take him back now .
I can't take him back ever again .
It hurts . Too much .
It is over .
My heart still can't accept the fact .
We are over .
I'll forgive him for what he did . But I won't forget .
This is just too much for me to even handle .
I love you , Hilman .
But I don't think we are meant to be .
Kite tak ade jodoh you .
So I guess for now , we are really over .
I'm still hurting you . You don't care about me anymore .
I doa2kan you akan dapat buang benda tu and be happy one day .
Even if it is not with me .
I still do love you .
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