♥ LoveLane LoveStory ♥

Sayang , I'm still suffering here without you . STILL SUFFERING . But I guess I'll be better as soon as I see you . I really wish you will talk . I want to hear what you will say . I need to know everything . Why ? Why you have to do that sayang ? I blame myself for this . I really do . And sayang , I'm still writing to you . I'm just waiting for the address so that I can send it to you . I'm hoping you will reply . Hais , sayang . . . My heart is weak without you here . I feel incomplete . It's like half of me is gone . I need you here sayang . I need you so much . My love is only for you forever .

I MISS YOU !

Sayang , I can't believe I am still alive after all the hurting that I'm feeling right now . It hurts so much sayang . Even words can't describe . I miss you so so so so much . I baru lepas attachment . I cried during my break because I would always call you whenever I'm going break . I love you so much sayang . I akan tetap tunggu you . And kalau satu hari you bilang I yang you actually ade hubungan dengan pompan lain , I akan uat you pilih antara I atau dia . And kalau you pilih dia , honestly sayang , I akan cuba semua cara untuk I mati . I cintakan you sampai akhir hayat . And kalau sayang tak sayang I dengan ape yang I da uat untuk you , Hati I sedih you , lebih rela mati . Sebab sekarang , hati I nga tahan . RINDU SANGAT KAT SAYANG ! AHHHHHHHHHHH !

Sayang , it has been a week sayang . Seven days without hearing your voice . Eight days without feeling you . Sayang , honestly sayang . It is really killing me . I just started my attachment today . Everyday before I reach to the hospital , I would call you . But not now anymore . There isn't any good luck from you . I lost my good luck charm . Everytime after my attachment , I would take a bus to your place and take 45 right ? Sayang , it hurts so much looking at your place . I called your mum and I came over to your place sayang . I talked to your mum . I told him how much I miss you . And she misses you too sayang . I get to know some things that I should have known but you never tell . Sayang you have to tell me at the letters okay sayang ? Let my heart at peace please sayang . I will always love you . And sayang ! I took your necklace . Hee (:

I'm back from outing . I tak beli ape2 pun sayang . I cuma beli earpiece aje . PINK of course . Hee (: I miss you so much sayang . When I'm outside , I asyik pikirkan you je sayang . But I didn't cry . Thats good I guess . But the hurting part is when I go home alone . You will always be on the phone to teman I balik . But now everytime I balik and everytime I keluar , I will never get to call you . Sayang , it really hurts sayang . It really does sayang . Please stop doing this to me okay ?

I'm going out soon sayang . I always call you first whenever I go out with someone else . And I will always call you when I'm on my way home . But not now . No more . I miss you . I always say that . I really miss you sayang . I miss you so much !

Only 6 days passed sayang . Only 6 days . I hate that number for now . I miss you so much sayang . What am I to do here ? Imagine if it's 16 of every month , for 12 months I won't be celebrating with you . TWELVE MONTHS ! What about our 5 years sayang ? What about our 5 years anniversary ??? I'll be seeing you on every 16 if possible . Ya allah , I miss you so much sayang . It's killing me whenever I'm alone . I know I will see you soon . So , I'll just be patient and wait . I love you sayang , always .

Just imagine if you were to lose someone that : is SO close to you , you shared EVERYTHING with , answers your call at 3am to take your nightmare away , understands everything that is going on with you , come over to your place in the middle of the night because you need them , care so much about you , you LOVE THE MOST . Every morning and every night it feels so quiet and different . No more "MORNING SAYANG !" and "Nightnight , love you ." IT EFFIN' HURTS SO BAD !

It's Saturday . It's already a week I last see you . My heart hurts whenever I think of you . Do you know how much I miss you so ? It hurts to wake up every morning , knowing that I won't see you . It hurts to wake up every morning , knowing that I can't hear your voice . I dreamt about you yesterday . It was so real . You asked for break up and left me just like that . I cried the whole night . I tried calling you but there isn't any answers . So I called Fariz , and you answered . You were on the way to my house . You said sorry . You come to me and hug me and say sorry . I woke up at that moment . I cried and cried . I feel like shouting your name . I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs ! HILMAN ! I MISS YOU ! I NEED YOU !

Another day without you . I woke up and I had menses . It's very painful ! Remember and pain I used to cry about ? I want to survive here in this world . I want to survive to see you again . I want to survive to help you get through your life without drugs . I will try to eat again . I will try okay ? I'm feeling better after talking to my dad . Hopefully I get to talk to you about what he said . Another day , another loneliness without you , love .

I have no choice but talk to my dad . I told him that you are in DRC . He suspected that when he read my Facebook status . He said that last time you were lagi berisi . And the last time he saw you , you were very much too thin . Why didn't I notice that ?! Why didn't I see that you were getting thinner each day ? I should have notice that . I cried when I say that I love you and you love me too . You asked me to wait , and I will . My dad told me some marriages that were together because of cinta , and never thought of the consequences that might come . You are on drug . What if you went in and out of jail ? I don't want to suffer that . And if you really love me , STOP DRUGS . PLEASE . It feels too quiet without you around . I'm still waiting for your mum to come and visit you . I miss you so much .

I'm out right now . With my family to KK Aqilah is still sick . I shouldn't have gone out b/c I can't survive outside . I want to hear from you . Can you call me ? Please ? I'm suffering her right now without you . I am still not eating that well . I'm weak sayang . I'm really very weak Hais ):

The only thing that I have to say, if people ask me why I am behaving like this.

By looking at Google Map of Changi Prison , makes me feel frightened . Are you alright there sayang ? I feel like bailing you out . But it's like $5000 or more . I don't think I can afford that sum of money . Remember when Hatim went in ? It seems like it was fast by the time he got out . Maybe because I have you , so everyday was fast . But now it just seems like the time became much much slower . It's like: 1 minute = 1 hour 1 hour = 1 day 1 day = 1 week 1 week = 1 month 1 month = 1 year 1 year = 1million years See how much I'm suffering here without you ?

My exam is just over sayang . Do you remember we planned to have fun after today ? Do you remembered our plans to Paul Smith ? Do you remember our "plans" ? It was all burn down as soon as you went to prison . How can I live without you sayang ? How can I live knowing that you are suffering inside prison ? I just got to know that you are at Changi Prison DRC . Hatim told me . Whenever I want to visit you , I need to have a visit card holder . And I have to get that through your mum . I can't go there myself since I'm not a family member . I just came back from Lavender , ICA Building . The place where you took it . It hurts going there . But I have to send an application form . Writing in this blog somehow makes me feel like I'm talking to you . Even if I know that in reality , you don't know anything . I think I'm feeling better . I just need a little bit more time to completely be alright . I think by visiting you at least twice a month would be better f...

Another day without you . Not even a month had past . I really want you here . I want to hear your voice again . I miss you so much . I'm going to school now to take my last paper . After each paper , I would call you . But now , I'm gonna miss every little things I did with you . Can't you call me ? Is there a way for you to call me ? Remember the times when we both were talking ? About what if you were to go in for a year . And I told you I won't be happy without you . And there you go . I'm not having the time of my life when you're gone . Just talking about you would make me shed a tear .

Time to sleep sayang . Another day without you tomorrow . I can't wait to send you letters . I can't wait to hear what you gonna say to me . I keep on eating one bowl of porridge everyday . That is all . I'm getting weaker each day . I need to see you . At least once a week . PLEASE I miss you so much sayang . I feel like dying . Really . But I'm not feeling suicidal . I want you here . Right here with me . Hold me tight . Kiss me . Time to cry to sleep . I love you sayang .

I've been dreaming about you . Every time I sleep , I dreamt about you . The night when I got to know that you were in , I dreamt about you . I dreamt that I visit you . Then you sneak out of prison to be with me for one day . I told you to go back in because I don't want you to get in anymore trouble . You hug me and say , "Please ? I nak dengan you ." I hugged you and cried . Then I woke up . That was when I got really sick . I missed you alot . And then last night , I dreamt about you again . But I forget . Damn , why did I forget ??? I've been sleeping and waking up the whole day . I have no appetite . I've been eating bubur . Thats all . I miss you badly sayang . I miss you so much .

Another day without you . Another day of being sick . I miss you so much sayang . I still can't believe that this is happening . It was like on Sunday , we were having fun . Then on Monday , you just gone . I'm still crying sayang . I am still crying so badly . I can't eat . I have no appetite . I want to visit you . I think I can have closure when I visit you . I want to hug you . I want to hold you . But I know , it's just impossible .

Sayang , just less then one day after you are gone , I'm sick . I'm so sick . I'm having fever and sore throat . I miss you so much . Maybe I need time to heal me and go on with my life like normal . But not too soon . I need you here to tell me to eat . I need you here to tell me to see a doctor . I need you here to tell me to take my medicine . I feel so lost without you . I've been stoning thinking about you . Crying so bad thinking about you . 1 year is like a million years to me . I need you here . I'm missing you badly .

I was doing a surprise for you . I was going to surprise you with something . But then at night , at around 9 ,you called and say that you are going in again . I can't believe it . And I regret never got to say , "ILoveYou" before you hang up . My mind went blank . Total blank . I just sat where I was for a minute to digest everything that I just heard . You told me to see your mum the next morning . But I can't wait . I went to your house straight after that . In the bus , I was crying . I don't want to think that you are going to sentence to death . I'm afraid . I felt numb . Really really numb . When I reached your house , your mum invited me in and told me what had happened . Police came to your house , you were in the toilet . They crash it open and see you took drugs . Drugs . Why again ? Why did you do it again ? I talked to your mum the whole night . I refused to go home . I was hoping you will at least get bailed . Don't you think about me ? Don...

He sold the iTouch that I bought for him for his birthday . Who wouldn't be angry? I'm hurt . I'm angry . I'm sad . I feel every type of emotion . I really am going insane . I spoke to him everything that I just have to say . He sat there doing nothing . I cried badly , he just sat there . I asked him repeatedly whether will he do something , he just sat there . I talked to him since 9pm till 11:20pm . At the last ten minutes, I told him to look at me in the eye and say that he loves me . He gave me all types of reason saying that he was cold . I can't believe he couldn't do a simple thing like that . I cried . I can't believe that a guy that I have loved for almost 5 years , can't even look at me in the eyes and say that he loves me . I then told him that I want him to leave me . I asked for break up . My last bus is coming in less than 15 minutes . I stood up and wiped my tears . I stood in front of him and say , "Can I hug you?" He stood up ...